When someone close to us dies, our life changes. The enormity of this change can be overwhelming, even if the death was anticipated. A funeral is a chance for the different people connected to the person who has died to come together: partners, children, family, friends, and colleagues. A funeral also takes care of the practical and legal requirement to dispose of the body of the person who has died, either by cremation or burial.

Some people say they don’t want a funeral or any ‘fuss’ after they die, but for those left behind, it can be seen as the first step towards coming to terms with the death of their loved one; an acknowledgement that their physical presence is gone.

For a religious funeral, the service will be conducted by a vicar, priest, minister, or pastor and held in their church or a crematorium. For a non-religious funeral, families may choose a civil celebrant, an independent celebrant, a humanist celebrant, or they may feel comfortable leading the service themselves.

When considering the elements of a ‘good funeral’, every service is unique and what might be appropriate and meaningful for one will not equate success for another. Have you spoken to your loved ones about what you might like for your funeral? If you have shared your wishes, these will shape the tone of the funeral ceremony and differ according to the circumstances of the death.

At White Rose Independent Funeral Directors, where I work part-time, we believe in being flexible. The bereaved family are welcome to make any or some of the funeral arrangements themselves, and we can explain the options available to you when it comes to choosing a funeral service for your loved one. Alternative venues to a church or crematorium are possible; you may wish to choose a woodland natural burial site and/or have a short, non-religious funeral service.

It is helpful for the funeral organiser to have an idea of the beliefs of the person who has died and some knowledge about who will attend the funeral. A friend recently recounted her aunt’s funeral, which was mainly attended by friends and not family. My friend was upset that the celebrant had spoken about her aunt’s dedication to family, when it was the case that her family had been a source of upset in her aunt’s life. It was her aunt’s friends who meant everything to her and made her happy. It is important that the celebrant reflects on the life of the person who has died to create a funeral that honours and represents them. This will in turn create a fitting funeral service.

If a family have fixed ideas about how they wish their loved one’s funeral to be, then it is for the funeral director and celebrant to make this happen. If the family require guidance, it is imperative that they are given all their options and most importantly, not rushed into any decisions. Did you know it is now a legal requirement for Funeral Directors to display their prices, both in their funeral home and online?

For a good funeral, you should come away feeling that you made informed choices and your funeral was not planned according to what suited the funeral director. You can choose readings and musical choices, with guidance from your celebrant if needed. The funeral service can reflect how little or how much you want to contribute and if no one from the family wants to stand up and speak, you should not feel pressured to do so.

Lastly, I believe that a beautiful order of service is a key element of a funeral, and it can be an important keepsake for those who have attended. It is not a necessity and of course, if you choose not to have one for either time or financial reasons, that is up to you.

In a recent order of service for a funeral we planned at White Rose Independent Funeral Directors, we included the favourite recipe of the person who had died. At another funeral, we gave mourners poppy seeds to take away and plant in memory of the person who had died, as it was their favourite flower. The design, format, and wording of an order of service has immense potential for creativity and can be something to treasure in years to come.

When planning my late father’s funeral, I found writing the order of service a comfort, since it provided me with an emotional focus in the aftermath of his sudden death. I enjoyed looking through all the photos of him and sharing memories of Dad with his friends and other family members.

I believe when combining the elements above, it is possible to create a funeral that honours and accurately reflects the person who has died. A ‘good’ funeral will give those attending the opportunity to feel whatever it is they may be feeling. By facilitating the wishes of the family or individual organising the funeral, the readings, music, coffins, and transport can be personalised, meaning that the attendees come away feeling like it has been a ‘good’ funeral.

Please do not hesitate to contact me or Deane at the White Rose Independent Funeral Directors office on 01442 953145 if we can be of any further assistance. Or why not drop in and have a chat sometime? You can find us at 90 High Street, opposite Zeera Indian Restaurant.

Sarah